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Happy Diwali, everyone! I’m going to a fireworks display tonight and I’m still whingeing gutted that I don’t have a decent camera. I should really be grateful that I’ll be forced to watch everything for real instead of on a tiny screen while the world passes me by.

Recently I remembered this crazy person.  How could I ever forget what a scary experience it was to read that journal for the first time?! Especially this!

I don’t think I’m ever going to be really successful at a career. That thought struck me today when I was contemplating the prospect of giving some training sessions as part of my job. The very thought fills me with stress – despite the fact that I’ve given several similar sessions before and they were perfectly successful!

I don’t get particularly nervous about speaking in front of people and I’ve acted in numerous amateur productions of varying levels of cringeworthiness, so I can’t explain why I hate the idea of this so much. Maybe it’s because it’s so often billed as ‘delivering’ something? It sounds so much more grand to ‘deliver’ a training session than just to ‘give’ one. (I even have my doubts about the word ‘session’, but I hate ‘workshop’ even more, so I suppose it’ll have to do.)

My boss says I’ll have to get used to the idea if I want to ‘progress in my career’, which makes me think that if ‘progressing in my career’ means ‘delivering’ lots of ‘sessions’, I don’t want to progress!  Either that or I should re-train in a career where I can sit in a broom cupboard all day and not have to see anyone.  Perhaps I’m not as sociable as I think I am.

Of course, ‘giving training’ sounds much less intimidating than ‘delivering sessions’, so perhaps I should start a bit of ‘rebranding’.

Maybe my problem is that I compartmentalise work and freedom too much.  I rarely have problems meeting and chatting with people in social settings; I only become a raving misanthropist in a work context.

On that note, I can’t wait to guzzle some Indian sweets.

I would also like to move to Australia and work hard at something which doesn’t involve computers. I think I’m having an early mid-life crisis. (Early? Perhaps I’m flattering myself and the time has simply arrived?)