Recently I’ve had to think about growing up, moving on and generally making some changes in my life.
You’d have thought all that would have come when I got married, right? Wrong. I didn’t make a conscious decision to be selfish – I thought I was welcoming Mike into my home. Our home. Which I was. But it did mean that not a lot had to change for me. I look at different furniture and pictures; big deal.
My lifestyle? That changed quite a lot. I don’t go out in the evenings anywhere near as often. I enjoy my husband’s company; I don’t feel the need to escape from it like I used to try and escape from myself. I also don’t do as much creative stuff – painting, music. Time drains away; I find myself occupied with other things. I visit Mike’s family, I go to the supermarket, things I didn’t used to do before. Yes, my lifestyle has changed, but for the better. I don’t do so many things that sound exciting on a blog or on Facebook, but I’m happier. I’ve always been contented with small things and I don’t care if that doesn’t sound very glamorous. I think it will gain me a happier life in the end.
Now a phase of my life is coming to an end. I’m thinking about leaving the house where I’ve lived for ten years. I don’t feel particularly attached to the house. It’s an alright house; there are millions of others like it; it’s a nice example of its kind but it’s not ‘special’. It has its faults. It can be expensive to heat; it’s not well soundproofed; there isn’t much storage space; doors don’t fit properly and the kitchen is minuscule.
But in the last ten years I’ve had a great life here! This house has witnessed a few ups and downs but on the grand graph of life it’s been a steady upward trend ever since I’ve been living here. I’ve discovered hobbies I love, I’ve developed my own philosophy of life, and most importantly I’ve met people I love, including my life partner. I’ve learned what love is, I’ve learned a lot about myself, I’ve been married from here and I’ve been handfasted. I’ve returned here from some amazing travels. I’ve grown immensely in confidence. I’ve painted, I’ve made music, I’ve had some high-flying dreams that taught me what I’m capable of.
So to leave here would symbolise the end of a very happy era for me, and no one likes to think of happy times coming to an end. Of course, I hope that the next ten years will be even better! But I have no way of knowing that. To say that I *expect* them to be better would be optimistic – arrogant, even, because I can’t possibly know. I can only hope – which I do, and steadfastly. I have all the ingredients for a happy decade, together with a clear recipe, but we all know that life is no great shakes as a chef!
I love change. I’m excited by the thought of moving on. Maybe, even, just changing my home isn’t really enough to satisfy me; perhaps it seems like a feeble substitute for having a creative job with a ridiculously large pay packet and a villa in the south of France!
But… I’m excited. All of a sudden I’m excited! I’m glad I’ve taken the time to think this through. Endings never seem good when you’re waving goodbye to something wonderful. Luckily the most wonderful thing in my life, my partner, will be by my side throughout this next adventure and hopefully for many decades to come. I can’t wait to find out what our future holds.