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Fine droplets of rain accumulate on my eyelashes.  The end is supposed to be approaching.

Ah, the wedding at the weekend!  It was great.  Celebratory occasion with hundreds of friends and family there to wish the happy couple well.  I worry about my colleague a little, sometimes, because she is such an easy-going person and I don’t want her to get taken advantage of.  I hope everything will be ok for them both.

My boss and her partner also attended.  Her partner got pissed at the pre-wedding party and puked up on the Premier Inn steps and wished everyone in the lobby a happy Christmas.  She made him apologise the next day but has not mentioned it since.  I think she might be a bit embarrassed.

I would have blogged earlier but have been feeling crook since Monday night and have no idea why – dodgy stomach but normally for me that goes away in 24 hours.  Now I just feel knackered.   But I did stay up late the last couple of nights, going to a gig and doing some artwork, so I’m probably frail because I’m tired.  I feel bad about myself when I start to complain about stuff like that, because I know Mike feels tired and sick a lot of the time but he always says he is ok, whereas I get up in the morning and I’m all like, “Ohhh, woe is me!  I can barely drag my sorry ass around!”

(That’s made me want to draw ‘a sorry ass’ now.)

I’m working on a pretty big drawing.  Well, not big compared with other drawings and paintings I’ve done, it covers like the top 3/4 of an A2 sheet held landscapewise, but big considering the level of detail.  The whole point is it’s meant to be really detailed and illustrative in style, a line drawing with colour type of thing.  It’s fun, basically.

I always seem to start art projects that are very labour-intensive!  I get an idea, but for me it’s like if it doesn’t involve shed-loads of manual grind it isn’t ‘worthy’, somehow.  I’m not sure whether that’s just because of the nature of my ideas themselves or whether there’s something deeper underlying it.  Like I can’t just do something because it’s physically enjoyable to make and looks good and expresses what I want it to express – there has to be a certain amount of effort, of hardship almost, that goes into the making of it.

Maybe it’s because I’m a bit of a show-off.  I know I can do technically good work – paintings and drawings that look slick and which people who don’t draw usually admire – so I’m reluctant to run the risk of inspiring ‘my gerbil could do that’ kind of thoughts.  I want to prove that skill has gone into the making of my work.  At the same time I don’t want to make A-level style work that relies purely on being able to handle a pencil or brush competently.  I want to create things that say something, that are more than just nice to look at or technically impressive.  But I can’t seem to let go of this fixation with craftsmanship.

I do enjoy craftsmanship, though, and not just in a fine art context.  I enjoy knitting as well, and that’s quite a tedious process by any stretch of the imagination unless you’re knitting a wildly complex design.  There’s something soothing about repetitiveness.  I enjoy paying attention to detail, whether that’s in metalwork, knitting, sewing, drawing, painting, collage or plasticene modelling.  It relaxes me.  I think it’s because when you’re focusing on a certain level of detail your mind is clear of all other thoughts, so you can’t be too stressed.

No artwork for me tonight – I’m going out for a meal with a bunch of people, so I’m hoping my stomach settles down enough to enjoy it to the full!

I’ve also recently rediscovered my slightly nerdy love of machinery, particularly anything with wheels or caterpiller tracks.  I have a feeling this may also inspire some artworks in the medium-term future.  In fact, I’m feeling very inspired in general and raring to go!  More so than I have in a long time.

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